he went to jared

I love Christmas - the music, the lights, the food, the sense of family togetherness that warms you like a shot of Wild Turkey. There's one thing about the holiday that makes me want to vomit, though - those inane, cringe-inducing "He went to Jared!" advertisements that air every commercial break ad nauseam throughout the Christmas season. I don't know who these commercials are supposed to be targeting - every male I know changes the channel as soon as one comes on and every female I know is offended at how poorly portrayed the women are - the Jared's commercials make it seem like we are all vapid, squealing, jewel-lusting bitches. It's hard to decide what's worst about these ads - the cheeseball actors, the blatant sexism or the fact that they promote a fucked-up capitalist dynamic in which the only way to show your woman you truly love her is by buying her a glittery piece of crap made of rocks mined by some poor kid in the third world.

stupid things i've seen

A few days ago I was in the parking lot of my local grocery store when I spotted an interesting bumper sticker on the back of a minivan. It read "Jesus Is The Answer." What was the question? Jesus can't possibly be the answer to every inquiry - what if someone asked "who farted?" or "who shot J.R.?" It seems that "Jesus" would not be a fitting answer to either of those questions, unless Jesus actually is a flatulent murderer, which seems highly unlikely.